dowry: revisted

I always think that we are caught in between catching-up with the west and hanging on to the east. I mean, while moving forward, we abondon some practices without regard to the reasons behind why they were in the first place. My earlier series of blogs focused on caste-system, now I want to focus on Dowry system. My contention has been that while we attemp to re-orient ourselves, we ignore to re-intrepet our beliefs.

All the views presented in this article of mine attempt to look at the problem from a different perspective, the perspective that the existing beliefs are valuable if reinvented and reinterpreted, considering the current socio-econimic conditions into account.

Part of the reason why this has been the case, in my view, is our education system. I am sorry to say this but as it turns out we are taught to belive and not to question what we learnt. It is really difficult to question what was taught in our formative years.

Dowry: What is it?
A customory practice of offering money to the groom by the bride! This has been a wide-spread practice and unsurprisingly, most abused too. It has become a social menace just like the caste-system.

Why it was needed?
The Indian society in general and the Telugus in particular is a patriarchial society (http://www.hvk.org/articles/0403/241.html). Sons inherit the ancestral property (However, according to IPC, heirs should get equal share of the undivided Hindu famliy assets, irrespetive of sex. But who cares about law enforcement. If that were the case, dowry would not exist in the place as it is illegal) and the only way duaghters get their share is when they are married. Daughters are married at youg age compared to sons! It is not uncommon in AP to refer to this property “puttinti varu kanuka”. Also, this was mostly in the form of aearable land or some other non-monetary assests like farms, fields or houses. After the marriage, the bride would almost belong to her in-laws and identifies herself with the in-laws famility than she does with her parents’. Rather, she disaccosiates herself from her parents.

From an emotional point of view: the bride is married to a new family and she needs a bit of security in terms of monetary support. Dowry is just that kind of arrangement. After all, if I go to a new place, let us say, my father would give me 1oRs/- and say, keep it, it would come handy. In a marriage, you are letting your daugher go on a life long journey with some unknown entity. Would you not care to give her some money, then?

From an econimical standpoint: The bride is absorbed into the new fmaily she is wedded to and the dowry becomes their collective property which they could use to run the famliy!

This kind of cultural backdrop necessitates the need for dowry!

Why it has become a social problem?
Human greed is endless. The more you get, the more you want. There are numerous incidents where the brides are killed or harassed just because the dowry is not sufficient. It is not a rare sight to watch marraiges coming to a grinding halt just because the dowry package is not received by the bride at the right time. It has become a synonym to oppression and suppression of women. Infact, domestic violence has increased many fold and the reasons are easily attributed to dowry.

It is abused in atleast the following ways:
1) as a status symbol both from bride's as well as the grooms parents side (maa ammyaiki inta katnam itchi pelli chesam, anta itchi pelli chesam..)
2) market the bride based on his qualificaiton etc.. and demand more dowry and
3) finally, greed for money

Shold dowry be banned?
short answer: YES
long answer: NO (for the following reasons!)

It requires looking at marriage as a partneership wherein both the bride and groom have equal stake. If that additional money only helps them lead their lives better, what is wrong with it? However, it is acceptable only under the following circumstances (satisfied simultaneosuly):
Dowry is:
1) voluntary from the brides side subject to their financial commitments
2) a need and not a luxury
3) bride is unemployed or finantially dependent
In all the other cases, I don’t see why dowry is needed. If that is the case, then marriage is not needed in the first place!

The above conditions are being easily met in the educated middle class, as women are increasingly becoming independent financially. and demestic help is shared by both husbad and wife. Besides that, joint famlies are giving way to independent families.

Defualting condition three automatically voids the other two conditions. Thus the educated middle class see it as useless practice, but I see it as a necessary evil, as I like to call it.

For me, not accepting dowry is not an option, but my responsibilty!